Thoughts on Prudence, by Dan

Prudence, St. Thomas Aquinas teaches us, is the virtue which enables us to choose good ideals and avoid evil ones by way of individual, concrete actions. It is an "intellectual" virtue, meaning that it resides in our intellect, and informs our intellect's reasoning process. Of course we mortals are finite, and only have access to a limited amount of information with which to base our decisions, nevertheless Aquinas affirms that we can sufficiently exercise our virtue of prudence, even with the limited information we possess.

Parenthood, by its nature, is full of opportunities to exercise this virtue of prudence. In principle, we want nothing but the best for our children and spouses: health, happiness, and a strong relationship with God. But we must strive towards these abstract principles by way of choosing particular actions and avoiding others, and in so doing, we exercise prudence. Or at least, we try to. Some of these choices are easy, such as "No, Ana, I know it's pretty and red, but you can't play with my Swiss Army Knife." Some, however, are not as clear-cut. Do we let her watch a third episode of Winnie the Pooh in a row, or is two really enough right now for her growing brain?

Far too frequently, we rub up against the limits of our knowledge. For how can we be adequately trained in everything we might encounter? Our bodies are fragile; parents are often called upon to make medical diagnoses that are beyond their ability. When is a headache more than just a headache?

Such is the situation in which we found ourselves this weekend. Friday saw, for Joy, the advent of a headache that put all prior headaches to shame, being impervious to the assaults of Tylenol and other home remedies. A headache is a very routine thing; except of course when it isn't. And Joy is not one to typically suffer a headache (except when she misses her morning coffee, but that's a whole other story...). But panic and rash judgment are firmly opposed to prudence, so we merely retired for the evening to see how a good night's sleep might affect things.

Awakening at 2:00 in the morning with the "mother of all headaches," we knew that the situation might need careful monitoring. This was an unusual event. Aquinas helpfully breaks prudence down into its basic components, four of which are: memory, foresight, shrewdness, and understanding. Memory told us that a really bad headache could be a sign of something more serious. Foresight told us that if we didn't find out more information we wouldn't be able to make a good decision, which could have horrible consequences. Shrewdness told Joy to think outside the box; she had just gotten together with a friend who had recently recovered from meningitis; could it possibly be this dreaded disease sneaking up unannounced? As for understanding - well, we didn't have any; neither of us knew anything about meningitis, except that it's a really bad thing. That, of course, is where the internet comes in. Mere seconds after typing "meningitis" into Google, we were sufficiently relieved to know that meningitis was likely off the table. Joy had passed the "can you touch your chin to your chest?" test, which, if failed, would have signalled a likely diagnosis. We had enough understanding to retire for the evening, convinced it was likely no more serious than a migraine. Of course, our knowedge still being limited, we really didn't know...

Waking on Saturday, the throbbing was still omnipresent. Nevertheless, we had a "coffee date" that was not to be missed. En route, however, Joy called her midwife to see if there was a more potent weapon than just Tylenol that she could take. That conversation, however, turned out to be anything but routine. After a gruelling interrogation, with Joy frequently answering "well, yes, I have had those symptoms too" the nurse told Joy to go to the emergency room right away; the fear was that it was possible that she had pre-eclampsia. Never mind that we had just sat down at the coffee shop, muffin and mocha in hand. But, as Aquinas teaches, docility - that is, respect for those who have more knowledge than us - is another component of prudence. So after an abbreviated breakfast, off we dutifully went to find a doctor. A diagnosis of pre-eclampsia was nothing to sniff at - it typically means bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy.

Attempting to be prudent with something else - our finances - we remembered that Urgent Care was open and opted to stop there instead. Surely they could do a once over and tell us what's going on, right? Well, as it turns out, no. Or as the nurse told us, "The doctor thinks this is something more appropriate for the hospital. Go to Labor & Delivery." Labor and Delivery? Gulp. This *must* be serious.

Labor & Delivery wasted no time admitting Joy, and beginning the barrage of tests. One by one the tests were done, and one by one they came back with pretty normal results. But achieving this knowledge took time. The hours passed. Fortunately Ana was having a happy day over at Grandma and Grandpa's. Having her taken care of and off our minds was a blessing. For our part, we had a nice time passing the time watching cable TV.

About five hours later, we were sent home, secure in the knowledge that, whatever the headache was (a migraine? we still don't know), it wasn't anything serious. It was *just* a headache. And it was okay for Joy to take a little extra dose of Tylenol than normal to take the pain down a notch.

Now, we eagerly await the hospital bill. I'm sure we'll have lots of laughs (and perhaps shed a few tears) over the cost it took to determine that Joy was having, well, a headache. No overkill here. Then again, Aquinas gives us yet another component of prudence to ponder over: caution. We're talking about two irreplaceable people here - Joy & Baby Boy Wambeke. There's no dollar figure or amount of time spent that could ever equal their worth. So thanks, Thomas Aquinas! You've helped me feel a lot better. If we nailed any part of prudence this weekend, it's that we were cautious. Really cautious.

As the children grow, we'll have many more opportunities to practice prudence, I'm sure. Here's hoping that we keep erring on the side of caution!